Mommy wars, parenting labels, post-baby weight loss… Emma Waverman is so done with these topics and more.

It’s the start of a new year I am looking ahead with excitement. What will be the hot parenting topics in 2015? What will we be talking about in the playgrounds and on social media? What will we be outraged about?

As the current affairs writer here at Today’s Parent, I know that I play a role in spreading that outrage, and sometimes I wonder if I’m fanning the flames, or dousing them with good, cold common sense. Probably a bit of both. So here, in no particular order, is my list of parenting topics that I do not want to write about in 2015.

Police being called on parents for letting their kids be kids: There’s a fine line between being a concerned neighbour and being a vigilante. Calling the police on school-aged kids who are walking to school on their own or playing at the park by themselves without finding out the details of the situation beforehand is ridiculous.

Studies that make me feel bad because it’s too late to turn back the clock and do it right: My youngest child is nine, so when I read studies about the “right” way to parent a newborn or toddler, the guilt can overwhelm me. But hey, if you are just starting out on this parenting thing maybe you can do it perfectly! Just don’t read the studies that come out after your kids are older.

Dress codes aimed at shaming girls: There were a rash of stories last year about girls being humiliated at school for showing their bra straps or wearing skirts. The implied rational for the resulting dress codes were that girls have to look a certain way because boys can’t control their behaviour around exposed skin. I have to remind myself that this actually happened in 2014 and not in 1914.

Security guards and store employees telling breastfeeding women to cover-up or leave: Especially at stores that have to do with breasts (I’m looking at you, Victoria’s Secret!) I will never understand why public breastfeeding is an issue at all.

Studies telling me my kids eat too much sugar: I know they do. Please don’t make me feel worse by telling me that sugar is the new tobacco. I get it. They eat too much sugar. We all do. They also don’t brush their teeth enough, eat enough dark leafy greens and or run triathlons.

Big manufacturers creating sexist toys/clothing/books: The question isn’t will I be writing about sexist products this year, the question is how many times will I be writing about it this year?

Tiger moms, helicopter parents, free-range parents: Labels, labels, labels. And once we’ve dropped the labels, can we also stop looking to other countries for their parenting methods? Kids all over the world behave badly sometimes and even their parents freak out and wonder if they’re doing the right thing.

Toy manufacturers who create toys with anatomically-correct body parts while parents freak out: I lied. I actually find this topic hilarious.

Women “getting their body back after baby”: That is my most-hated phrase ever. Their body did not leave, it created a human.

“Mommy wars”: Actually, this is my most-hated phrase. There’s no such thing. We’re all just trying to do our best and justify our own choices. Sometimes we judge others, but most often we are judging ourselves.

Kids getting hurt in natural disasters, accidents or through violence: By far the hardest thing I cover is when kids are hurt or killed. There are no words to truly describe a parent’s pain in losing a child. Or a country’s anguish when terrible things befall their citizens. I truly hope not to write about this ever again.

Unfortunately, I know that in the next 12 months I will probably be writing about most of these topics once again. I hope you stay tuned to see what the most annoying, recurring topics of 2015 are!

What were your most hated parenting topics of 2014?

中文翻译：
本文地址：http://www.wjbb.com/know/956
原文出处：http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/on-our-minds/11-parenting-topics-i-dont-want-to-write-about-in-2015/ 收起阅读 »

A recent study by the Federal Reserve Bank of St Louis found that, over the course of a 30-year career, women with kids were more productive at work than those without children.

There’s the old adage that says if you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. However, I feel we could easily substitute the word “person” for “mom” in that statement.

A recent study by the Federal Reserve Bank of St Louis found that, over the course of a 30-year career, moms were more productive at work than women without children. So, it would seem that whole myth of the “distracted working mom” needs to be tossed out with the recycling.

The goal of the study was to chronicle the impact of motherhood on highly-skilled career women. The Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis focused on research published by more than 10,000 academic economists, as their work can be easily searched and ranked for the purposes of the study. The caveat, however, is that this is a highly-educated group of people who likely have daycare options, paid maternity leave, and healthcare benefits.

The study found that men who are fathers of two children or more see a small increase in productivity while at work—but, in general, their careers weren’t affected by family life. Women, on the other hand, had much more dramatic results. The study found that “mothers of at least two children are, on average, more productive than mothers of only one child, and mothers in general are more productive than childless women.”

But, as with any study, it gets a little complicated. Women who had children before the age of 30 saw a larger decline in productivity—especially when their kids were younger. Yet, women who had children in their 30s and early 40s did not experience as large a dip in their work output.

All the women experienced some loss in productivity when their children were young, however many of them become substantially more focused at work as their kids got older. As one of the study’s authors explained on The Today Show: “It’s all about timing. It’s really when the children are younger that there is an impact, but if you consider the whole career of the person, then on average, the person [who has two or more children] is doing better.”

These results may seem counter-intuitive to any mother who is trying to balance the heavy demands of needy kids, crazy schedules, and work expectations. Just because the numbers tell us that the working moms are more productive does not mean being a mother makes you more productive (though, anecdotally I am going to say it does—but I’m no scientist). The researchers posit that the results may reflect the types of people who have two kids or more and continue with demanding careers. They suggest that if a person was hard-working before they have kids, “it is likely that he or she will also be more productive afterward.”

This study does fly in the face of the financial gender gap and the so-called “mommy penalty.” The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development calculated that, in Canada, women who are mothers earn 30 percent less than their men counterparts, as opposed to women without children who earn seven percent less than men. In fact, men who are dads tend to earn four percent more than men who are not fathers—they get a stability bonus, while women suffer a parenthood penalty.

So, thanks to the Federal Reserve Band of St. Louis study, we know that mothers are more significantly more productive than their peers a few years after having kids. We also know that women get paid less than men, despite this productivity.

We can only hope that this study will make employers change their opinions on working moms and their commitment to their careers. Maybe it can also alleviate some of the guilt women feel when it comes to trying to maintain a work-life balance. Being a busy mom doesn’t automatically lessen your commitment to work—in fact, it just might make you a smarter, more productive employee.

So, go ahead and enjoy a couple of sick days and six hours of Frozen on repeat with your kids. When you get back into the office, you’ll be at the top of your game.

中文翻译：
本文地址：http://www.wjbb.com/know/955
原文出处：http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/on-our-minds/women-with-kids-are-more-productive-at-work-study/

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I’m in the schoolyard, waiting for my four-year-old daughter to get out of class. All of a sudden I hear: “Please tell Brandon’s mom to pack more food in his lunch bag. He’s eating everything he has, but he’s still hungry.”

I look over and see two teachers talking loudly to one another, in the presence of parents and other staff. It’s entirely possible that the student in question has a big appetite, but it occurs to me (and likely other parents who overheard the interaction) that the issue may have been a financial one. Perhaps Brandon’s mother could not afford to pack him a bigger lunch. I wish the teacher had been more sensitive to this possibility. I can’t help but think some sort of protocol—like a discreet note placed in the child’s backpack—could have avoided this public awkwardness.

I don’t think my daughter, Anna, noticed this particular exchange. However, she did notice when her friend went to Cuba for a week. She wanted to know if we could go to a beach, too. She also knows, to some extent, that we couldn’t stay in our former apartment because we could no longer afford it.

There are moments like these that she’s started to pick up on but, overall, I think I’m still in the clear…for now. While I imagine Anna will take note of the families going on ski trips this winter, I don’t think she’ll see it as any different than the in-town adventures the two of us go on. While I notice the brand names on kids’ outfits in the schoolyard, I’m pretty sure she mainly notices either the colour or the cartoon character on the front. She knows that we do go on vacations, but I’m not sure she realizes that most of her classmates don’t travel on overnight discount busses. I know we eat chickpeas on nights where I want steak, but I don’t think Anna knows that steak is my preference.

Once, my charming child told me that my day job was to “be on the computer and go pee.” Truth be told, I do spend a bunch of my freelancing days (which just got shorter due to her school schedule and not being able to afford—or justify—after-school daycare) on the Internet, with some pee breaks in between. Anna knows that many parents go to work outside the home, but I’m not sure she has any concept of incomes or careers.

I grew up in what can only be referred to a “class-complicated” household. My parents (all of them—my mother, father and stepparents) come from different upbringings in terms of careers and income. When my brothers and I were growing up, there were years where my stepfather had a sports car, but there were also years where we had to heat Zoodles on the stove in the can because we didn’t have pots. I remember our electricity was cut off regularly, but I also recall my parents going on cruises. Through all the ups and downs, my mother and stepfather were never, ever honest with me about it. Maybe they were trying to shelter me and my siblings, or maybe they were in denial themselves. Either way, it’s something I’ve resented well into my adult life.

So, while my own current situation is far less complex, and much more consistent, I often worry about being honest with Anna—I want to protect her from the anxieties of living hand-to-mouth, but I also want her to understand our situation.


Anna has been inside nicely furnished houses owned by her friends’ parents. She’s asked me why we don’t have some of the things her friends have, but the questions usually fizzle out. I’m often left wondering what will happen, though, when her questions become more persistent. What exactly will I say to her? I’m committed to being honest with my daughter, within reason. I don’t want to evade the truth about our financial situation, nor do I want to make her anxious over it.

I just want her to enjoy chickpeas, but appreciate steak when it happens.

中文翻译：
本文地址：http://www.wjbb.com/know/953
原文出处：http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/odd-mama-out/explain-child-low-income-family/
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Honest discussions with your kids about income and debt aren’t easy, but Jennifer Pinarski believes they’re necessary.

I have clear childhood memories of standing in line at the bank with my mom. My siblings and I would pull pamphlets from the display racks, scribbling on them in imitation of my mom as she made weekly deposits and withdrawals, but mostly withdrawals. She’d carefully tuck crisp $20 bills into a brown envelope and from there we’d go to the grocery store. At the beginning of each season we’d head out of town to buy winter gear or rubber boots, and my mom’s brown envelope of cash was always noticeably thicker at the start of the shopping trip than at the end.

Growing up, I was awkwardly aware that my clothes didn’t have the same logos as my classmates, but I was just as aware that most of my classmates lived in homes with two parents, and therefore, two incomes. The one time I complained about not having the same kind of clothes as my friends, my mom got incredibly angry. As an adult, I realize her anger was likely sadness but, nevertheless, it was the last time I ever complained. I got a part-time job after that.

My mom never talked openly about money, mostly due to the fact that my brother, sister and I understood that there wasn’t a lot of it.

At eight, my son is acutely aware of how some of his pals have more video games or family vacations than ours does. It’s something we first encountered two years ago when my husband lost his job, in the middle of a terribly cold winter when it seemed that each week one of his classmates were off to sunny destinations, and my chief concern was paying the heating bills on time.

“Why can’t we go away?” he demanded. While we never came outright and told our kids how we were struggling to make ends meet at the time, we were quite frank about the cost of running our household. I blogged about it here and was criticized on the Today’s Parent Facebook thread for exposing my kids to adult worries. It was almost as if talking about money was as taboo as talking about sex with your kids used to be.

Ron Lieber, New York Times columnist and the author of The Opposite of Spoiled, believes that taking away the mystery of where money comes from is important and should not be off-limits in family discussions.

In his book, Lieber interviewed Scott Parker, a California father of six who dramatically dumped 10,000 one-dollar bills on a table to demonstrate to how much it took to run the household for a month. He explained incomes, taxes, entertainment and charity, dividing the cash into piles. “I was trying to make as big of an impact as I could, and I definitely had their attention,” he says.

“It may sound improbable, but you can begin to initiate them when they’re as young as five or six, building their knowledge slowly and giving them the real answer while they’re still teenagers. Handle it right, and it will be one of the most valuable lessons of their childhood,” Lieber wrote in a post last week on the New York Times website. “But shielding children from the realities of everyday financial life makes little sense anymore, given the responsibilities their generation will face, starting with the outsize college tuitions they will encounter while still in high school.”

While my husband and I aren’t going to bring home rolls of loonies to show Isaac and Gillian that having children and running a household can be frightfully expensive, we’re also not going to avoid talking about how we are slowly unburying ourselves from the debt incurred while my husband was off work. Though it means we may hear a few complaints about how their friends have suntans and iPads and that our house has mismatched furniture, I hope the lessons in patience, hard work and financial restraint stick with them for life. Even if those lessons are a little uncomfortable to learn.

中文翻译：
本文地址：http://www.wjbb.com/know/953
原文出处：http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/run-at-home-mom/why-it-pays-to-be-open-with-your-kids-about-finances/
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Abstract

Objective

The objective was to conduct a scientifically rigorous update to the National Sleep Foundation’s sleep duration recommendations.

Methods

The National Sleep Foundation convened an 18-member multidisciplinary expert panel, representing 12 stakeholder organizations, to evaluate scientific literature concerning sleep duration recommendations. We determined expert recommendations for sufficient sleep durations across the lifespan using the RAND/UCLA Appropriateness Method.

Results

The panel agreed that, for healthy individuals with normal sleep, the appropriate sleep duration for newborns is between 14 and 17 hours, infants between 12 and 15 hours, toddlers between 11 and 14 hours, preschoolers between 10 and 13 hours, and school-aged children between 9 and 11 hours. For teenagers, 8 to 10 hours was considered appropriate, 7 to 9 hours for young adults and adults, and 7 to 8 hours of sleep for older adults.

Conclusions

Sufficient sleep duration requirements vary across the lifespan and from person to person. The recommendations reported here represent guidelines for healthy individuals and those not suffering from a sleep disorder. Sleep durations outside the recommended range may be appropriate, but deviating far from the normal range is rare. Individuals who habitually sleep outside the normal range may be exhibiting signs or symptoms of serious health problems or, if done volitionally, may be compromising their health and well-being.

中文翻译：
本文地址：http://www.wjbb.com/know/952
原文出处：http://www.sleephealthjournal.org/article/S2352-7218%2815%2900015-7/fulltext
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New research shows that exercise and physical activity are key to improving a child’s school smarts.

Ingegerd Ericsson of Malmo University in Sweden compared two groups of school children in grades one, two and three as they progressed through to grade nine. One group was given two 45-minute physical education classes a week, while the other received five 45-minute phys-ed classes. Children with motor-skill deficits in the second group also received extra motor-skills training, including exercises to improve balance and coordination (such as jumping over objects or balancing on blocks).

By grade nine, 96 percent of the students in the group that received additional PE classes achieved grades that would allow them to advance to grade 10, while only 89 percent of those in the less active group were eligible to advance. The contrast was especially notable among male students, with 96 percent of the more active group advancing, compared to 83 percent of the control group.

Ericsson hypothesizes that boys need to be more physically active than girls in order to stay motivated and focused in class.

There are a number of theories as to what causes this correlation between physical activity and learning. Ericsson explains that learning to do a physical task could actually teach your brain how to do an academic one: “One reason could be that automatization of motor skills makes it easier for the brain to focus on theoretical learning,” she explains.

Stephen Berg, an assistant professor at the University of British Columbia and an expert in physical education and early learning, says this study aligns with long-theorized ideas about the ways in which physical activity supports learning. “Physical education is just as important as language arts or mathematics; it’s not a side subject area,” says Berg. Some kids learn kinesthetically, the energy expenditure can help them focus, and their success on the field or in the gym may boost their confidence in the classroom.

He also laments a lack of consequences for Canadian schools that don’t provide an adequate amount of instructed physical activity. According to the 2012 Report Card on Physical Activity for Children and Youth, an annual document produced by the advocacy organization Active Healthy Kids Canada, as little as 15 percent of students get the recommended 150 minutes of PE per week.

Berg urges parents to talk with their child’s teacher and verify how much PE they are receiving — most schools allocate two to three 20- to 30-minute classes per week, but that doesn’t necessarily happen at every school. “Talk with administration, with other parents and teachers, and attend parent council meetings. Be a voice for your child,” he says.

Signing up for sports-related after-school activities can also be a good fix, but Berg cautions this isn’t an ideal solution — these programs can be costly. Walking or biking to school (in communities where this is feasible) can also increase daily exercise. “It’s not appropriate for children to be sitting for the majority of the day,” says Berg. “Young kids need to move.”

中文翻译：
本文地址：http://www.wjbb.com/know/951
原文出处：http://www.todaysparent.com/family/education/exercise-the-secret-to-success-at-school/ 收起阅读 »

Is your child shorter than average? Here’s how to ensure his self-esteem stays intact.

“Hey, shorty,” says my nearly-six-foot-tall husband to me, his five-foot, one-and-a-half-inch-tall wife. While “shorty” can be a term of endearment – one that I’m actually quite fond of — I must admit: I’m relieved that my son Adam seems to have inherited his dad’s genes for height and will likely be spared the indignity of that particular nickname.

Read more: How to build your child’s self-esteem>

It’s no secret that the schoolyard can be a harsh place for kids who are smaller than their peers. So, it’s understandable that parents may be concerned if their tween fails to measure up to his friends. Kids tend to become more self-conscious about their appearance around age nine, especially if others single them out for significant physical differences.

Before you grow anxious about your child’s stature, take comfort that there are several things you can do (or not do) to ensure his self-esteem stays intact.

DO rule out medical causes
If a child’s growth has slowed or stopped, a hormone deficiency, genetic disorder or underactive thyroid gland may be the cause. But for the vast majority of short children who are growing at a steady rate and are otherwise healthy, it’s unlikely that a medical cause is to blame. According to a Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center study published earlier this year, 99 percent of healthy children in the third lowest percentile for height or shorter (meaning they are shorter than 97 percent of kids who are the same age and gender) did not test positive for any known medical condition.

DON’T confuse height with ability
Just because a child is small doesn’t mean he should be babied or kept out of physical activities. Jill Kimble’s 12-year-old son, Austin, who is not only one of the smallest boys in his class, but is also an inch or two shorter than his 10-year-old brother, plays both rep baseball and hockey. “He’s super-fast, maybe even because he’s smaller,” says the Bobcaygeon, Ont., mom.


DON’T assume he’s suffering
Parents’ concerns about height can be based on a misperception that short kids — particularly boys — have a harder time socially, emotionally or behaviourally. While it’s true they might get teased, it’s not necessarily a big deal to the kids. In fact, a study of more than 700 11-year-olds published in the journal Pediatrics in 2009 showed that height isn’t related to a child’s well-being; the shortest girls and boys in the study (tenth percentile or lower) were just as likely as the taller kids to be popular and happy. Encouraging confidence will also help to boost their self-esteem. “Austin has never voiced any concern about being small,” concurs Kimble. “It is who he is.”

DO get the facts about treatment
In 2006, Health Canada approved human-growth hormone treatment for children who measure short without a known medical cause. But according to an international consensus statement in 2008 by 32 leaders in the field, the psychological benefits of the treatment have yet to be proven. Even the physical results are modest: After four to seven years of daily hormone shots, the average increase in adult height attributable to the therapy is one-and-a-half to three inches. And the cost, which works out to about $25,000 to $50,000 per inch, is not usually covered by provincial health plans unless there is an underlying medical condition.

DO keep it in perspective
Make sure your child eats healthy, nutritious food, gets enough sleep and exercises in order to reach his maximum potential height. And remember, children who are shorter than their peers may grow up to be taller than you think. That was the case for my husband – he was among the shortest of his peers until he hit a growth spurt when he was 17.

中文翻译：
本文地址：http://www.wjbb.com/know/950
原文出处：http://www.todaysparent.com/kids/kids-health/short-kids/
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Building a digital presence — and getting that first email account — is part of growing up.

The request for an email account came right after Susanna Clarke’s* daughter, Leah, turned nine, which was about three years early for the Toronto mom’s liking.

One of Leah’s grandparents in another province had brought up the idea of email previously, as a way to keep in touch, but Clarke held off. Perhaps more significantly, some of Leah’s friends are now starting to get email accounts.

In a world flooded with online communication, iTunes, smart phones and tablets, parents are trying to work out when to allow their children to begin building a digital identity.

Some parents register Gmail addresses, website URLs and Twitter handles for newborns, or even before the baby is born (as soon as they settle on the name). Others try to delay until the teenage years. The irony is that teenagers see email in particular as old-fashioned, preferring the immediacy of text messaging, Twitter, Tumblr and online chats. It’s tweens, who usually don’t have cellphones and who can’t yet sign up for Facebook (you have to be 13), who want email accounts.

Psychologist Jim Taylor, author of the recently released book Raising Generation Tech, says there are no clear age minimums for email. He believes email is a good introduction to the media world, as it allows greater parental control than text messaging. “There’s reasonable value in allowing a child to use email as a social tool, if it’s used in moderation and with supervision,” he advises. “This is a generation of digital natives, so they have to learn to live in the digital world in a safe way.”

Parents should discuss the risks of email and online safety, and stress that email is a privilege that can be taken away. Monitor your child’s inbox and outbox by making sure you have password access, or set up the account so all messages are forwarded to your own account. Taylor also recommends setting time limits, such as no email after 9 p.m., or only after homework is done.

For Betsy Bauer* in Waterloo, Ont., email arrived via her daughter Chloe’s Grade Five class, which has an internal email system for students and teachers. Within a few months, a then-10-year-old Chloe wanted a Gmail address, too, like a growing number of her friends.

“I said ‘I suppose, but the stipulation is that I know the password,’” Bauer recounted. Chloe balked, saying her email should be private. But once Bauer explained the risks of spam and online viruses, Chloe came around.

In the end, Clarke and her husband decided that email is an inevitable step for their daughter. “We can’t keep her from it,” says Clarke. “So we’ve embraced it as a tool, and not a big, scary thing.”

中文翻译：
本文地址：http://www.wjbb.com/know/949
原文出处：http://www.todaysparent.com/kids/technology/kids-and-technology-getting-their-first-email-account/ 收起阅读 »

Simply praising your child can actually do more harm than good. Here’s a comprehensive guide to building self-esteem in children.

Last week, my son Aaron made the school soccer team. Boy, was I proud. And I couldn’t stop saying so. “Good job, buddy! You’re the best!” I beamed, he beamed, and all seemed right with the world.

It’s not the first time my kids have heard me shout their praises. I’m the resident cheering section, their biggest fan, a back-patter extraordinaire. These days, you can find me handing out compliments as if they’re sticks of gum—when my kids practise guitar, score a goal, help with dishes. The mom logic goes like this: The kid does good (or good enough for me), so I make him feel great about himself. It’s called boosting self-esteem. Or so I thought.

Step back
As it turns out, there are better ways to build self-esteem than heaping on praise for everything kids do—starting with helping them become competent in the world, says Jim Taylor, author of the book Your Kids Are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You. To do so, though, you have to learn to step back and let your child take risks, make choices, solve problems and stick with what they start.

Over-praising kids does more harm than good
Self-esteem comes from feeling loved and secure, and from developing competence, Taylor says, and although parents often shower their kids with the first two ingredients, competence—becoming good at things—takes time and effort. “As much as we may want to, we can’t praise our kids into competence,” he says.

In fact, by over-praising kids, we’re doing more harm than good. “We’re lowering the bar for them,” Taylor says. “If you keep telling your child she is already doing a fantastic job, you’re saying she no longer needs to push herself. But confidence comes from doing, from trying and failing and trying again—from practise.”

Samantha MacLeod, who has four boys, ages one to nine, believes constant complimenting can actually erode self-esteem. Either kids start thinking they’re perfect or they try to be perfect all the time – an impossible standard. And inaccurate praise confuses them, she says. “If my son can’t spell and I tell him he’s doing terrific, he learns not to trust his own instincts. He also learns that praise is just flat-out lying.”

Plus, Taylor adds, telling your child he’s the best, the smartest or the most talented is setting him up for some very bad news down the road. You’re creating an egomaniac who thinks his scribbles are Rothkos but, sooner or later, he’ll discover he’s not all that after all.

Let your child take healthy risks
Start by forcing yourself to stand back while your child takes healthy risks, says Victoria Sopik, CEO of Kids & Company, a corporate childcare service in Toronto, and a mother of eight. “To build confidence in the world, kids have to take chances, make choices and take responsibility for them,” Sopik says. She sees too many parents trying to rescue their kids from failure all the time.

Sopik remembers staring from across the room as her two-year-old son, Fraser, lifted a huge jug of orange pop at a fancy party. “He was about to pour it into a glass, and I just stood there, holding my breath,” Sopik recalls. Rather than trying to save her son before he had a chance to try, Sopik watched as Fraser spilled the pop all over the floor.

Then came the best part: Fraser found a waitress, asked for a paper towel and cleaned up his own mess. “He solved his own problem—just like we do as successful adults,” Sopik says.

Let kids make their own choices
When kids make their own age-appropriate choices, they feel more powerful, says Sopik, pointing out that kids as young as two can start considering the consequences of their decisions. Sopik always let her kids decide on their own whether to wear a coat, hat and mittens in winter. “Once they knew the difference between warm and cold, it was up to them. They should have control over their bodies and take responsibility for their choices,” she says.

Let them help around the house
In building self-esteem, kids also need opportunities to demonstrate their competence and feel that their contribution is valuable, says Taylor. At home, that means asking them, even when they’re toddlers, to help with cooking, setting the table and making beds.

Encourage them to pursue their interests (fully)
Another surefire way to boost confidence in kids is to encourage them to take on tasks they show interest in, then make sure they follow through to completion. It doesn’t matter what the task—it could be anything from swimming laps to beating levels in video games. The point is for them to stick with what they start, so they feel that hit of accomplishment at the end.

What to do when children struggle or fail
What if your child’s self-esteem plummets when she gets cut from the gymnastics team or can’t memorize multiplication tables?

Read more: Short kids: How to boost your short kid’s confidence>

Don’t lose sleep over it. “So many parents have it backward,” Taylor says. “They think struggles and failure will hurt their kids’ self-esteem, but it’s actually a golden opportunity to help build it.”

Make clear that your love is unconditional. Let your child know you love her even when she fails or makes bad decisions. If all you talk about is performance, Sopik points out, she will think you only love her for her report card or the lead she got in the play.

Make sure your child’s goals are within reach, at a level appropriate for his ability. That may mean suggesting he join house league, where he can feel like a star rather than being the last one picked on the AA team. MacLeod learned this lesson when her son, Alex, was in grade two. Feeling like a failure at reading, Alex was ready to give up when MacLeod brought home some Magic Tree House books, which were slightly below Alex’s level. “He read one every two days and was so proud of himself that he went on to read the Goosebumps series, no problem,” she recalls. Afterward, mother and son talked about how Alex’s choice to practise paid off, and she praised his perseverance.

Offer appropriate praise. Although praise is often misused, when it’s specific and earned, it is a valuable self-esteem builder, Taylor says.

Lorna Crosse, a former music teacher, remembers asking her choir students to keep a “brag file” full of praise they earned. Any time they saw their names in a program or newspaper article or received a complimentary note, they were to put it inside. “When the kids had a bad day, they would take out those words of praise and read all the neat things they had done, and it would make them feel better about themselves.”

The brag file works because it shows kids specific ways they’re special and teaches them that practise reaps rewards, Taylor says. And it’s the practise – the effort – that should be the focus of praise, Sopik says. “Don’t just say ‘great play’. Tell him it was awesome how he passed the ball to his teammate.”

And keep in mind that a little indirect praise, such as stars on a chore chart, can work wonders. Mom Nancy Botelho gets even more inventive. She makes sure her kids “overhear” a little boasting. “I’ll tell my friends how the teacher said Margaret is so kind, or how I saw Bridget working so hard at tying her shoes. The kids just shine. Since they were spying, they know I mean it and I’m not just trying to make them feel good.”

Your self-esteem checklist
Here are some of the things that the Canadian Mental Health Association says you can do to help raise confident—not coddled—kids:

Feel special. It’s imporant for you to help your children discover their own unique talents and qualities, and to value their own strengths. But also teach them that feeling special doesn’t mean feeling better than others.

Set goals. Teach your kids to work towards a goal and to have pride in their accomplishments. Provide them with opportunities for success.

Try, try again. Encourage your children to try things their own way, face challenges and take risks.

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原文出处：http://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/how-to-build-your-childs-self-esteem/ 收起阅读 »

Surprised to find a positive side to video games? Here’s how they can teach problem solving and goal setting.

With most toys we buy our kids, we worry that they might not play with them enough. With video games, we worry that they’ll play too much! My six-year-old grandson, Sebastian, can be completely mesmerized by the on-screen action, oblivious to the rest of the world. That can’t be a good thing, can it?

And what about the bloodthirsty and violent aspects? Or the lack of physical exercise when kids spend hours moving only their thumbs on the controller?

Is there a positive side to these games?

The short answer: yes. “We have this image of video games as mainly “shoot-em-up” or “role-playing” games with lots of violence, but in reality there are many different kinds of games,” says Kathy Sanford, a professor of education at the University of Victoria. “Some games are not at all suitable for younger children, but many are very interactive and enjoyable, and they can learn a lot by playing them.”

The game designers seem to have taken the concerns about kids being inactive to heart, and have come out with new games, such as Dance Dance Revolution and Wii Fit, that promote activity. “In our studies, we’ve observed that kids tend to play for a long time and really work up a sweat,” says Sanford. “We also found that the various sports games let parents and kids play together, each at a different level, which makes it more of a fun family activity as well as exercise.”

Marc Prensky, author of Don’t Bother Me Mom — I’m Learning!, feels even more strongly. “Kids are really learning a lot when they play these games, and they’re learning things that are not taught in school. They learn to solve problems, take risks and evaluate the outcomes, and to work with others to accomplish a goal, and they learn these things in a way that’s interesting and painless.”
Learning at play

Play is, of course, one of the best ways to learn, especially for children. Sanford points out that the games give the children immediate feedback when they make a mistake, and give them another opportunity right away to try another approach. “In school, if you make a mistake on a test, for example, you don’t get any feedback until much later, and even then you usually don’t get a chance to do it over,” she says.

Many parents think of the games as isolating — we have this image of a child playing all alone in a dark basement — but Sanford’s studies have found the opposite. “Kids like to play together, and they take turns and help each other as they play,” she says.

Prensky thinks the reason so many parents are negative about games is because they don’t play them and so worry about what they don’t know. “If a child is reading a book and has a question about something in the story, or the parent is concerned about the content — no worries, the parent can read the book and respond. But when it’s a game, the parents often don’t know how to play it so they don’t know how to find the answer to any concerns.”

Parents also worry that their children are so absorbed and mesmerized by the games. Prensky thinks that demonstrates how effective the games are at engaging children: “They’re concentrating and solving problems. We worry that our children have short attention spans, yet they can play these games for hours with complete focus.”

The downside

The fact that there is a good side to gaming doesn’t mean there isn’t a downside too. Sanford points out that some games are violent and over-the-top for young children. So are some books and TV shows. “We don’t get rid of violence by banning video games,” she says. “It’s part of life.” Parents can, though, be selective about the games they provide for their kids. It’s also reasonable to put some limits on how much time is spent on these games to make sure there’s enough time in your child’s day for all the other activities he needs to fit in.

Sanford also encourages parents to talk to their children about the games they play. “Ask them what they like about them, and what they think they’re learning. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised.”

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原文出处：http://www.todaysparent.com/kids/technology/the-positive-side-of-video-games/ 收起阅读 »